Posts made in May, 2009
A Memory
I was already fourteen years old when I got a room of my own. Living in a tiny home that houses an extended family means everybody has to share a room with someone. I used to share a room with my eldest sister. Our “room” was not exactly a room with four walls and a door. It was a corner of the living room separated from the rest of the room by a high wardrobe cabinet. To conserve space, we had a bunk bed and I remember insisting to occupy the top bunk. The space between our bed and the cabinet was just enough so we can open the cabinet without a problem.
Our “room” was pretty simple. We didn’t have a study table, dresser, or any other fancy bedroom furniture. We had the bunk bed to sleep on and the cabinet to keep our clothes in—those were pretty much all. If we have to study, we had to do it on our bed so I am used to writing and reading while lying flat on my belly.
We also didn’t have a door. We had a curtain instead to have a little bit of privacy. The walls we had were dull and we were not allowed to hang anything on it because my Grandma said that a paint job would cost a lot so we should try to keep the walls as they were (obviously needed a paintjob but clean).
The only time I got a room for myself was when I came to live with my mom. Sharing a room with my sister was okay. I never really had to complain about anything because between the two of us, I was more like the dork one so I think she hated the fact that she needed to share a room with me more than I with her.
Read MoreMy writing is so lame
I want to write. To actually write. Not just about anything but to actually write about something interesting. And not just write about something but to write beautifully about something.
I want to write not with profound words but well constructed sentences. I want to really convey what I mean through words.
How does one do that?
Read MoreChina and Austria
I don’t know if it was just because most Chinese people think I am one of them that they sort of expect me to speak in Chinese when talking to them. I am not talking about my previous students, I am talking about the countless taxi drivers, waiters and waitresses, bank clerks, etc who have continued to speak in Chinese to me even after I explicitly mentioned/demonstrated that I can’t speak Chinese and I can’t understand them.
All the times that I was put in such situation, I felt under the pressure of being expected to be able to talk in their language simply because I was living there.
It is really too bad that I didn’t learn how to speak Chinese in my three years of living in China because I could have learn a lot from people who stopped by to have a chit chat with me. I always felt that these are the people who are genuinely friendly. In China if somebody approaches me and start to talk to me in English, I usually get suspicious because I know from experience that these people more likely want to sell me something.
In Austria it is pretty much the same except that people here don’t come to you and speak to you in English just to sell you something. I am glad they don’t do that. But I say it is the same because I still have this feeling—the irritating feeling that I am expected to speak in German just for the simple reason that I am here.
I can say that I can understand German fairly well (and when I say “German”, I mean “high German”) but I still have the trouble of speaking in German. After taking two German language courses, my confidence in speaking the language goes as far as greeting people. So if I enter a store or any kind of establishment, that’s what I do because that’s what they do (hell, Austrian people greet so much!). I greet them in their language just to be polite but my greetings always come with a prayer—a prayer that I only receive a greeting back…NOTHING MORE. But Austria seems to be a place of very polite and friendly people so after exchanging civil greetings, you can expect a small chit chat—it’s completely normal here to exchange a few kind words to strangers. If you greet them, you can expect a greeting back, an offer to help you, then probably question about your well being or a slight remark about the weather. If you don’t greet them, it doesn’t matter… they will still greet you. I actually think it is lovely that they are like that but the problem is that I can’t understand them because although I can understand German, they don’t speak German. They speak an Austrian dialect that sounds so funny to me.
So what happens is, I get stunned or I appear to get stunned. I just sort of stop there and try to process as fast as I can what was said. In most cases, I get nervous and so I just reply to them in English. It’s really difficult for me. You see, I need time to process what was said then I also need time to think of what to reply in German. Imagine the stress! Then there’s the pressure of wanting to reply quickly because you don’t want the other person to wait hours for what you’ll have to say.
If I am lucky, I am able to reply in German and in time but if my nervousness gets ahead of me, I am sure to awkwardly reply in English. If I am luckier, the person will simply smile and start to talk to me in English. If is not my day, I can only expect an awkward silence.
Read MoreWriting
Writing is easy but only if you simply want to put plain words together to convey what you mean and that’s what I’ve been doing since I started blogging. I read my previous entries and I am like…. hmmm…everything is just so lame…(not to mention my frequent grammar mistakes).
My writing is so plain. I myself feel bored when reading my entries. I want to and have to write better. I’ve embarrassed myself long enough in the whole World Wide Web. It’s time to stop writing and publishing crappy blog entries. It’s time to work on my writing skills.
But where do I start?
Read More