This post is inspired by my friend, Sterndal. Lately, she’s been writing about some of her dreams and this prompted me to think about my own dreams.

Many people think that when they reach a certain level, they’ll be contented but I don’t think that that’s the case. I believe that man is never contented, i.e.; when he reaches the point he wants nothing more. I believe that the moment you stop dreaming or stop wanting is the time you stop living.

Many people think I have a wonderful life here in Europe and I honestly think that too. I have a loving husband, a job, a house, a car, and some small things that other people don’t have. I should be contented, right?

Of course, I am.

BUT that doesn’t mean, I don’t want anything anymore.  I am happy with all the things I have and all the things my husband and I can afford to have or do and I am really thankful for each of these things.

I won’t say that everything I have, I have worked hard for because that is simply not true. Actually, I can only name two things I worked hard for and those are my first guitar and my bachelor’s degree (which is, by the way, not accepted here in Austria—depressing!). The others just happened or are given to me.

Of course, like many, I have dreamt of seeing different countries but never really thought that that’ll happen. I’ve seen China but not without help from my mom and dad. I found the teaching job in China by myself but if it wasn’t for my parent’s money, I wouldn’t have been able to afford to go there. So it’s like they sent me there. I’m now in Europe and I have my own car but being in Europe just happened and the car was just given to me by my husband.  I can speak German and I have a teaching job here but I wouldn’t have achieved those without support from my husband.  All the fancy stuff like clothes, jewelries, shoes, bags, gadgets, etc are mostly bought by me but I won’t say I’ve worked hard for all of them because I won’t be able to afford them  if I would have to worry about things like bills, food, and other necessities. My husband takes care of all our necessities. My Husband is super and having him is also something I DIDN’T work hard for. LOL. He just happened to me.

So before this post becomes a post about the things I have, I will go back to my dreams. I am a very lucky girl and I believe that I have more than what I dreamt about as a young girl but sometimes achieving a dream only makes you dream more. I had dreamed of having a job and I got it but now, I am dreaming of having a better job. I had dreamed of owning a computer and I already had a series of computers but I still want a better one each time.  Stuff like that happen to me a lot.

But if you ask me right now about my ultimate dream, I’d say I have two of them.

First is, I dream of becoming an asset to my husband. He’s done a lot for me. I also want to help him in any way I can, especially, financially. I want to get a better paying job so I can help him with the bills, with the things we need, with our holidays, etc.

Second is, I dream of being able to give something special to my parents. I know, they will not ask me but I want to do something for them. Like a European tour or something equal to that.

Of course there are other small stuff I want but I won’t include them here because these small stuff just lead to my bigger dreams.

656 words! LOL! Dreaming is good.

I read your blog not because you’re famous. I follow Heather Armstrong. She’s famous and she writes really well but that is not the reason why I read her blog. Believe it or not, most of the bloggers I follow are small time bloggers who cater to very few audiences.

I follow your blog not because I learn from it. I actually hate super pretentious blogs that tell you what to do. Google leads me to those kinds of blogs whenever I need info but the chance that I will return to those blogs is always almost zero.

I read your blog because you share something about your life and your thoughts with honesty. I read your blog because I get the feeling that we have something in common. I read your blog because we have the same opinions on some things. I read your blog because I like your humor. I read your blog because I can sympathize with your sorrows. I read your blog because it’s entertaining.

I, myself, don’t have a writing prowess to boast about but I have an idea why a few readers read what I write because it is also the very reason why I read somebody else’s blog.

I read your blog because I know that behind that blog is a “real” person.

But why do I always kill the plants in our house?

It’s not like I don’t care for them. I do. But they still always die on me.

I get plants as gifts from my pupils and their moms and I appreciate all these plants. I placed all of them somewhere I think they will fit and thrive better.  I talk to them, water them, weed them, etc. but they always die. Remember that orchid we bought for our guest toilet? Yeah. That died too.

And the orchid shown on the picture is an orchid given to us on our wedding day.  It stayed at my in-laws house during the time we’ve been in China and it had been healthy there. When we moved to our own place here in Graz, we took it from them to bring to our new place.  We call it our wedding orchid and I am the steward of it.

Maybe it was a mistake to take it from my in-laws’ house because it’s never healthy as it was when it was there. I think I might be killing it too. I am not sure but when we took it, it has a lot of blooms. Now there’s just one and only bloom and the other branches are dead.  I said to myself, it is sad that I unintentionally killed all the other plants in our house but killing this one too would be a catastrophe. I can’t kill our wedding orchid! That’s just simply not right. It should thrive better under my care.

I had to do something to prevent myself from killing it.

So I googled some articles on how to take care of orchids and other plants and I learned that I should not water them that often.  Ha! It’s like that the best way to take care of orchids is not to take care of them at all. But I followed the tips I got from the net. I took out all the dead roots of our wedding orchid and repotted it. I still water it but not that often and not that much anymore. So far, it looks good because it is growing some new leaves.

I really hope that it can recover from my overwatering. I hope that it will live and bloom many flowers again.

I am not a professional photographer and I am not trying to be one but I like taking photos and I really like taking photos of people. I like to pursue this hobby but my problem right now is; there are not a lot of no willing people  I can photograph. My husband is very handsome but he’s a lousy model.  He feels uncomfortable if I ask him to make some poses for the camera. And there’s my brother-in-law who needs a lot of cajoling before he agrees to do such thing. The last time I got my brother-in-law to do a mini-photo-shooting with me was two years ago and if I ask him that now, he’d probably give me the look that says…hey, I’m a cool guy and that is so gay.

You see, he’s now a teenager and is very self-conscious. He’s no longer the cute little boy who likes to get into my nerve by pulling my hair or by pinching me. He’s now a self-proclaimed DJ and we have to be cool to be near him. I kind of miss those times when he was just a lovely boy who likes to show us crazy stuff he can do.

Time really flies away so fast.

P.S. These photos are unedited. Except for resizing and copyrighting it, I haven’t done any special editing to these photos.



So I had searched for a day job and I got one I like. In my first month, I got just 3 classes. Then I got 5 classes on my second month. I had plenty of time and was hoping that I could still do some writing on the side but since there was almost no income from writing, I concentrated on my day job. It paid off because right now I have 15 classes…just when the blogging industry is picking up again.

Here is where the problem lies. I want to write and I want to teach but time doesn’t seem to be on my side. They say you cannot serve two masters at once but I don’t think that that’s applicable here. Not one of the two brings me contentment.

Teaching is great. I really like what I do but the business model of the learning center where I work is not something I’d say ideal. I am a freelancer. I am just paid for the hours I worked. Hours and hours spent for preparation are not counted. I pay for most of the materials I use and I don’t get benefits such as 13th & 14th month pay. No Christmas bonus. No paid holidays. I don’t get paid when I am sick. And the most disheartening thing is; my status in the learning center will always be just a freelancer. It’s nothing personal; it’s just their business model. All of their teachers are just freelancers.

Writing is equally great. I really like it too. Sure, I am only paid for the work I do and I also don’t get bonuses and I have to pay for my own insurance BUT I get to stay home, I don’t need to pay for gas, I don’t waste time driving to my place of work, I don’t need to pay for parking tickets, I am my own boss. It’s all cool BUT the income from writing is not fixed.  This is what bothers me the most. I can pay for my own insurance but I want a sound mind knowing that I’d get a certain amount at the end of each month.

Now I am trying to do both but I always feel that I don’t have enough time for them.

enjoying a cup of coffee while working on my assignment

I suspect that the reasons are because this is my first job as a freelance writer and that I just love the assignment I got. The pay is ok. I mean, if I would have been based in the Philippines, a 3$/hr rate is very good but since I am in Europe, it means that it is because I really love the job.

My first week brought me 51$. If this will continue, it would mean that I’ll have 204$ in a month. Again, it’s not bad for doing something I love doing.

I am a member of ODESK since November 2009 but it was not until last week when I started to apply for jobs (and immediately got one). Now that I think of it, I would have earned more money, work history, and feedback if I would have started right away. What stopped me from starting right away?

I think the very first one was the TESTS. Yes, there are tests at ODESK but, except for one, you’re not required to take these tests. The only test required is the ODESK readiness test which would entail you to read ODESK’s FAQ or TOS and to download the ODESK software (which is completely safe). IT IS NOT DIFFICULT. And if you fail, you can do it again. Other tests are just there to help you land your first job. For a neophyte, you won’t have a work history to boast about so better take some tests. In this way, your future clients will have something to base your qualifications on.

The second reason was the TIME. I thought… I don’t have time to spare for serious freelance work. I just learned now that that is a complete crap. With ODESK, you control your time. If you have just 2 hours to spare each week, that’s also ok. There are job openings that only ask a few hours each week.

The third reason is because I thought, I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I still think I am not good enough for certain jobs so I don’t apply for them. Simple. When I think I can do a job, I go for it.

Anyone who’s really interested can be successful at ODESK. All you need is a computer and an internet connection and you’re set.

After reading this post and you are still doubtful about ODESK, you can look around for other success stories. There’s a big community of Filipino Odeskers online. You can find them on FaceBook and Ning.

So don’t be like me. Don’t get stuck because of reasons that are actually nonsense. If you really want to work online as a freelancer, ODESK is the best place for you.

I’ve spent years contemplating on submitting my articles to online magazines but I never got the courage to do so. I always thought, who would want to publish the kind of writing I do? I mean, no fancy words, no long sentences, no impressive idioms, etc. It’s like anybody who completed first grade can write the way I do.

But because this deep conviction to bring my blogging to the next level can’t be suppressed anymore, I signed up for ODESK and looked for some writing gigs. I have to tell you that I wasn’t so impressed at first because some buyers offer really cheap compensation (I mean REALLY cheap). That’s disheartening but I told myself that if I really want to do this, I must not concentrate on what I will earn. I should concentrate on getting jobs and starting my portfolio as a freelance writer.

So I started applying for jobs. I sent out nine applications and from these applications I got one rejection and three interviews. And from these three interviews, I got one job and I refused the other two jobs because the job I accepted requires 16 hours per week and that’s already more than I can commit to my writing. I want to be able to do quality jobs and since I am just starting and learning the ropes of freelance writing, I avoided quantity (As you know, I don’t enjoy pressure).

I rescinded my application for the other six jobs I applied for. I didn’t wait for buyer’s response anymore because I already accepted an earlier job offer.

Now, I want to talk about the job I got.

When I got a notification from ODESK that I am invited for an interview, I was ecstatic and of course, nervous. In my mind, I immediately reviewed possible questions that might be thrown at me and the corresponding answers.  To my surprise, all I got was this:

Hi Vienna,

Thanks for applying. Do you have any blogs or writing samples that I can take a look at? It would be really helpful.

Thanks! S

So I directed her to this blog while thinking… oops, I should have updated my blog and written a better post.  I was sure I won’t get this job but I was surprised to see her reply:

Hi Vienna,
I took a look at your blog and I love it! I like your writing style, its reflective and gives the glimpse into your personal thoughts through your writing. I also really enjoy that you write casually and not forced (some people write like they have to prove something!) and that you also include photos with your entries.

I think you’re a good match! You can write about anything under the sun that is Wine, Food & Travel related. You can stretch the topic since it doesn’t have to be literal and can be interpreted in so many different ways. For food, you can write about your own herb/vegetable garden. For travel, you can write about past experiences, going to some place in town, or dreams of future vacations. For wine, heck – whatever floats your boat.

You can combine the topics or write them individually. Again, its completely up to you. There are no rules! You’re hired.

I’ll set you up with an account on the website, which is WordPress based. You can post the articles, I’ll review and publish them when ready. Just as a note, all articles also need to have a companion photo, which is located on the right hand side of the article page. This image will also be used as the thumbnail image on the homepage and throughout the site. You can also add multiple images in the body of your writing, just like you do in your blog.

Let me know if you have any questions. I’ll also need some time to set up your account… in the meanwhile, welcome to the team and I look forward to your writing

Cheers, S

Look at that! Somebody likes my candid way of writing. I was all smiles when I finished reading this message. I am really happy that one of my many dreams is about to come true.

I won’t tell you where my articles will be published yet. I’ll have to wait until at least one of my articles goes live.    c”)

winter in graz

But I will list my plans. I like plans.  At least with plans, there are always alternatives if they don’t work out. Resolutions, on the other hand, sound so drastic. Like, I “need” to change things or else I will be the same person I was in the previous year and my life will stay the way it is. Resolutions are more like promises to yourself you have to keep. They just have to be fulfilled.

Who wants such pressure? Obviously, not me.

So here are my plans for this year.

1. Put the house together in accordance to what we need and what we can afford. My husband and I just bought a house and like many other young couples who are from humble families, most of our savings went to the purchase of the house. It was also necessary for us to take a housing loan to cover that which can’t be covered by our savings. The house is “Belagsfertig”. That means, it is completely finished outside but it still needs work inside.  The heating, electrical circuits, floor, kitchen, toilet, bathroom, and the painting still need to be done and those are what we are working on right now. We decided to do some things ourselves to save some money and because we already have a very handsome credit, we agreed not to take more credit.  Hopefully, we will still be able to save money for some nice stuff for the house.

Alternative: if in case, we are not able to save money, we can always use our old stuff and be content with it until we are able to afford fancier things.

1. Make teaching props during the summer break. The most difficult part of my job is preparing teaching materials. It is taking so much of my energy and my time so to make my life easier for the next school year; I plan to prepare my teaching props this summer.

Alternative: If by chance, I can’t find time to do this during the summer break, I’ll just have to be content with the teaching props available at the learning center or I’ll just have to accept that my second year of teaching won’t be that much easier from my first year.

Those are the two main things. The less import things are as follows.

1. I plan to visit home.
2. I plan to take more pictures. I am living in a very nice city so why not compile my impressions of it?
3. I plan to save for an iMac. I do have a lappy and it is still very good but an iMac is just so… beautiful. I don’t plan to buy it this year. I just would like to save for it.
4. I plan to learn how to bake. I am already excited because I am getting my very own kitchen soon! With all the things I need for baking and cooking.
5. I plan to start a garden. The house we bought has a tiny garden! Excited, excited, excited!

Those are my plans and some of them I share with my husband.

I know. You’re probably a bit disappointed. I imagine you saying like… that’s it?!? Really? What about having a baby?

I’ve been asked about that question several times.

Baby…. hmmmm.

That will have to wait a bit.

I don’t know when exactly but I still have enough hormone pills for six months.  Haha.

Seriously though, we think we are ready but we still have wait until the house is ready and then we can start trying. *wink

Here are the things I did last year that I think contributed much to the person I am this new year.

• Successfully completed my German competency course. It wasn’t easy especially because the interest to learn this particular language was not there. There was only the need to learn it. My attitude towards it was: I am learning it because I have to and not because I think it’s fun. I could have stopped sometime in the middle of the course if I wouldn’t have cared wasting the money spent on the course (it was expensive). But there came a time when I started to appreciate it and later on, I am really glad that I did it.
• Left China for good. I could say that in my three years of stay in China, a lot of bad things happened to me but I could not deny that the best thing happened to me there as well. So it’s like, one best thing evens out all the bad experiences I had in China. China has been good to me…to us. It wasn’t always easy (especially for my Austrian husband) but living there was very beneficial for us. In China,  we experience comforts we could never afford here in Europe. I don’t know if I will ever go back there but China and the people we met there who became good friends of ours will always have a space in our hearts.
• Started a life in Austria. I had my doubts. I doubted if I ever could make it here. If I ever could get a job. If I ever could find friends. If I ever could call it a home.  This stage of my life is still a work in progress. There are still a lot about this country and its people that I have to learn. I might not like or like what I’ll learn but so far, Austria has been good to me and I think that I am in the positive way to clearing all my doubts.
• Cut down on my blogging. This was mainly because I was busy with other things. I had to prioritize stuff and that means my blogging has to be given up to some extent but because old habits die hard, I am still here and blogging. In fact, I started another blog.
• Learned how to drive and acquired a driving license. I am from a country that sees being able to drive a car as a luxury not necessity. Earlier in my life, I gave learning how to drive some thoughts but I never considered it as something I must do. That’s until I married an Austrian.  Understandably, it was not easy for me. The theory lessons were done in Austrian dialect so I have to record each lesson and listen to it over and over again so I could understand or, at least, have an idea what the lesson was about. Another thing that made it difficult was: I think I have no talent at all with driving. It is already more than four months since I acquired my license and yet, I still can’t drive well.
• Found a job in Austria. I needed three long months before I landed a job. Within these depressing months, my self-esteem hit its all time low. I am just so glad that I have a loving husband. Right now, I am very much contented with my teaching job. I am not teaching in a regular school but all the same, I am still teaching and that’s great. It’s really a huge blessing that I still can practice my profession in this country without going through the complicated nostrification (educational degree comparison and evaluation).
• Experienced a car accident. It didn’t do me any damage—no scratch. Nothing. It just left me a little bit of a shock. It was not a major accident but it left a major impact on how I look at life.  I often hear clichés like life is too short, enjoy the things you have while you still can, and etcetera but I never really cared. I mean, I know they that these lines are true but I didn’t feel that they should also apply to me but that changed. After my accident, I value my life and all the persons and the things I have more.

The rest of the day went by just like all my other Mondays. My morning was spent on grocery shopping and I went to my classes in the afternoon. The only thing that wasn’t usual was our learning center’s early Christmas dinner in the evening.

Right after my last class, I and two of my colleagues, headed off to the place. We drove in a convoy.  Tanya was driving in front because she’s the one who knows where the restaurant is. I was driving behind her and Kristin was driving behind me. It was a snowy evening and we were driving on a 30-zone winding street fully covered with snow. There was almost no traffic so I could understand that clearing this street off snow doesn’t happen in a frequent interval.

We were driving slowly and I remember Tanya being 20 meters ahead of me. Then it happened on a slightly inclined curve. The curve, although slightly descending, wasn’t that sharp at all so I am absolutely sure that I didn’t do any harsh maneuver with the steering wheel. For the life of me, I can’t understand why it happened. I just felt that my car glided, spin, hit a post, and rebounded back on the road.

When I felt the car slipped, I got nervous and in my nervousness, I left the gas pedal and the steering wheel completely letting the car control itself. It happened too fast. I didn’t even have the time to scream. The next thing I know was I was facing Kristin who is getting out of her car. How did that happened? She’s supposed to be driving behind me.

And then it dawned on me. I just had an accident. I could be dead now.

So, am I dead now?

I made a quick self-check. Does any part of my body hurt? What about bleeding? No? Really? Okay, good.

Then I went out of the car to check it. Around that time, Kristin’s worry stricken face was already right beside me. She tried to do her own physical injury check on me while shooting rapid questions which I could only summarize as, “Are you ok?”

From the look of it, she was even more shaken than me. Later on, she explained that being the one driving behind me, she saw how the whole thing happened and it looked far worse that it is.

The car, as expected, received some damages. The plate number in front is crushed and separated from the car. The bumper obtained some scratches and maybe some dents. I picked up the plate number and put it on my dashboard. There was no way I could attach it to the car so I placed it where it could be easily seen.

After checking the surroundings for damages (there was none, the post looked perfect ha!), we drove to the restaurant which is just 100 meters away from where the accident happened. I wanted to call my husband immediately after arriving at the place but Tanya advised me to calm down a little bit before calling him and that’s what I did. Later on, I realized that it is better not to tell him until I am home.

Soon enough, dinner conversations filled the air making the whole mood lighter.

By the time we were ready to go home; I was relieved to see the street wet and not snow covered. If it would have been otherwise, I wouldn’t have the nerves to drive home.  I was still terrified.

Upon reaching our building’s parking place, I took out my phone to call my husband and I’ve seen that he tried to call me several times. I also read his messages asking me if I am okay and why I won’t answer his calls. I finally called him and told him about the whole thing. Then I asked him to come down from our flat so he could take a look at the car.

I know he will not be angry and I was right.

When he saw me, he gave me a tight hug.

He said that all along, he had the feeling that something bad had happened. Then he told me that he’s thankful I am safe. He didn’t bother taking a look at the car but he promised to do it in the morning.

We talked more about it before going to bed and we agreed that I am not to drive until I practice driving on their company’s test track. That’s what we will do this weekend. I will practice driving on simulated snow and ice covered streets to get a better feeling of the car on a slippery road and to learn how to react.

The shock was completely gone after I had talked to him. The release gave me an utter sense of my being. I am alive and I am cuddled perfectly warm in my husband’s loving arms. The feeling of closeness made me truly thankful that I am alive. I thought that it would be so unfair to die when I am this happy.

Before saying our goodnights, he told me something that made my hair stand on end. He told me about the nightmare I told him that very morning. I can’t remember it completely anymore but according to him, this is what said.

“They said that the accident was so bad they needed to cut my legs off to take me out of the car.”

***

p.s. this is unedited