Posts Tagged "money"
day job versus sideline
I remember telling myself that when we settle here (in Austria), I will just stay home and write because I know that my chances of getting a (teaching) job here is very thin. That was when I was earning around 700-1000$ each month from writing. But the financial crisis happened just when it’s time for us to move from China to Austria. The paid blogging industry was also hugely affected by the crisis. 200 words blog posts which were priced at 15$ in 2007 & 2008 declined to 1$ in 2009. There were still a lot of offers but a dollar for a post is just so disheartening.
So I had searched for a day job and I got one I like. In my first month, I got just 3 classes. Then I got 5 classes on my second month. I had plenty of time and was hoping that I could still do some writing on the side but since there was almost no income from writing, I concentrated on my day job. It paid off because right now I have 15 classes…just when the blogging industry is picking up again.
Here is where the problem lies. I want to write and I want to teach but time doesn’t seem to be on my side. They say you cannot serve two masters at once but I don’t think that that’s applicable here. Not one of the two brings me contentment.
Teaching is great. I really like what I do but the business model of the learning center where I work is not something I’d say ideal. I am a freelancer. I am just paid for the hours I worked. Hours and hours spent for preparation are not counted. I pay for most of the materials I use and I don’t get benefits such as 13th & 14th month pay. No Christmas bonus. No paid holidays. I don’t get paid when I am sick. And the most disheartening thing is; my status in the learning center will always be just a freelancer. It’s nothing personal; it’s just their business model. All of their teachers are just freelancers.
Writing is equally great. I really like it too. Sure, I am only paid for the work I do and I also don’t get bonuses and I have to pay for my own insurance BUT I get to stay home, I don’t need to pay for gas, I don’t waste time driving to my place of work, I don’t need to pay for parking tickets, I am my own boss. It’s all cool BUT the income from writing is not fixed. This is what bothers me the most. I can pay for my own insurance but I want a sound mind knowing that I’d get a certain amount at the end of each month.
Now I am trying to do both but I always feel that I don’t have enough time for them.
Read MoreShe’s Screwing Him for His Money
I didn’t know her too well. She was just introduced to me by an acquaintance in a party. But I know him. He is my husband’s best bud. He was single so I was tempted to play cupid and introduced a girl to him. I arranged a meeting for them—my husband’s best bud and the girl I didn’t know really well. This girl was so open and willing to meet him and probably start a relationship with him. She was really simple. Not a beauty but you can’t say she’s ugly. I talked to her a little bit before and she seemed nice.
So they met and after two nights she slept with him. I was surprised because I see her as shy, timid, and idealistic when it comes to relationship. Meaning, she’d play it more traditional, she’d let him court her a little bit longer, she’d try to know him really well before they get intimate. But that was not the case. He’s 35 and he’s no James Dean. He’s clumsy and he appears to be grumpy all the time so imagine my surprise when someone rushed to bed with him. But I thought, maybe he swoon her by his kindness. So fine.
After a month, she started asking him for money. It started with 150 Euro. She asked this money because according to her, a good friend of her really needs help and she badly wants to help this friend. He gave her the money. The second time, she told him that she have to pay an amount to a loaning company otherwise her parents’ house (back home in the Philippines) will be evicted. He gave her again. Last month, her salary was delayed so she borrowed an amount from him which is equal to her month’s salary. When she finally got her “delayed” salary, she didn’t give it back to him. So fine. Last June, he needed to be in Shanghai to work. He offered her to come with him. She refused and told him that she’d follow after a few months. So he went alone.
This month, she needed to go through an operation that will cost her 500Euro (we are in china, everything is cheap). He gave her 600Euro but she asked for 150Euro more. I was the one depositing the money to her bank account because he is so busy with his work and because we are good friends, he asked for my help. First I deposited the 600 Euro. When he asked me to deposit another 150 Euro, I told him I can’t it because I am also busy but the truth is, I didn’t want to have any part of it anymore. But it didn’t say that to him. I want to tell it to her first and I want to wait after her operation.
He is not exactly rich. He is financially sound but not rich. He’s obviously in love with her. And she? Well, back home she has 6 siblings and none of them has a job. Her parents are both old and jobless. She has 4 older brothers, 2 of which have their own families and kids. She has one younger sister and one younger brother whom she is sending to school. In short they are poor and all the members of the family depend on what she can send them each month to them. They are very poor but I am not saying that it’s her fault to belong to a poor family. I am actually saluting her that she was able to rise above it. But for her to tolerate her older brothers not to find jobs for themselves is something I consider so wrong. She’s not responsible for them and for their kids. Is she in love with him? At first, I believed that’s the case but based on how things are going on since the last few months; I came to believe she really does not love him. She sends all money she can get her hands on to her family back home. She sends her complete salary back home and let him pay for her flat, her bills, and her daily expenses like food and taxi fares. I am not stopping to send money to her family back home… but why can’t she send half of her salry and use the other half to finance her living since she anyhow choose not to live with him? It’s all unfair to him. She’s just using him and I pity him.
Somehow I felt responsible because I introduced her to him. I really feel bad and I pity him. But I can’t tell him what I think about her now. No, I am not that kind of person. But I will talk to her directly and tell her what I think and we will see if it changes anything.
What do you think?
Read MoreOn being unemployed…
I am not feeling very well emotionally lately. This is due to the fact that I am left here at home alone everyday day leaving me nothing to do but those tiring profound thinking. Why am I sulking here? Why am I unemployed until now? Why are things not working for me? Why can’t I get a job in this place? Am I not trying hard enough? Why won’t they hire me? Am I not good enough? Why am I not married? Why am I feeling inadequate career and financially wise at this age? Why is getting married too difficult when we feel so right about it? When are we ready to do it? Why do I feel so bound to my responsibilities to my family? Why am I so hard on myself? Etcetera…etcetera.
I also feel that I am losing my friends. The people I know. I feel that somehow they are getting more and more out of reach for me. Sigh*
Being unemployed sucks! It makes you think a lot about things you normally don’t think about that often. It makes lose your self esteem slowly. It makes you overlook at the good things that are happening to you.
Francis is there. He loves me. He can very well provide for everything that I need. We are together and everything between us is pleasant. We don’t fight. We don’t argue. We’re not bored. We do fun things together like cooking, cuddling, talking, watching our favorite TV series and other activities like spending the weekends somewhere and doing something new. I am thankful for all these things but somehow life is not complete for me. Somehow, I feel useless.
I don’t want to be too dependent on Francis financially. I want to be useful to myself. I want to earn money for my own. Sure, Francis gives me money but it makes me feel bad using this money for my caprices… not that I do it that often but still. It’s not a good feeling getting my caprices this way. I want to keep whatever I have with Francis. I want our living situation as it is but I also want a job. Is that too much to ask?
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