vienna in circus roncalli

The title,  “all you need is laugh”, says it all. Those two and a half splendid hours spent in Roncalli Circus were time well spent. Not once, while I was in the circus’ colorful tent, did I stop to think and worry about anything because I was so busy laughing at the jokes and being amazed by the artists.

marcus in circus roncalli

Every act was well thought of and obviously showered with a great deal of effort. I admire these people and their love for their art because, clearly, they worked hard to perfect their skills.

balloon artist in circus roncalli

After the show, I thought of the artists who just performed one helluva entertainment. I imagine them spending most part of their lives traveling to different cities and living in their train trailers. I wonder if they have much contact to other people outside their circus circle. I wonder how their lives are. I wonder how they are behind the make-up and the fabulous costumes.

acrobatics in circus roncalli

I wonder if they are happy.

some people from the audience got included in the show

They must be.

some funny act in circus roncalli

Because obviously they love what they do and they’re very successful in it.

All the times that I was put in such situation, I felt under the pressure of being expected to be able to talk in their language simply because I was living there.

It is really too bad that I didn’t learn how to speak Chinese in my three years of living in China because I could have learn a lot from people who stopped by to have a chit chat with me. I always felt that these are the people who are genuinely friendly. In China if somebody approaches me and start to talk to me in English, I usually get suspicious because I know from experience that these people more likely want to sell me something.

In Austria it is pretty much the same except that people here don’t come to you and speak to you in English just to sell you something. I am glad they don’t do that. But I say it is the same because I still have this feeling—the irritating feeling that I am expected to speak in German just for the simple reason that I am here.

I can say that I can understand German fairly well (and when I say “German”, I mean “high German”) but I still have the trouble of speaking in German. After taking two German language courses, my confidence in speaking the language goes as far as greeting people. So if I enter a store or any kind of establishment, that’s what I do because that’s what they do (hell, Austrian people greet so much!). I greet them in their language just to be polite but my greetings always come with a prayer—a prayer that I only receive a greeting back…NOTHING MORE. But Austria seems to be a place of very polite and friendly people so after exchanging civil greetings, you can expect a small chit chat—it’s completely normal here to exchange a few kind words to strangers. If you greet them, you can expect a greeting back, an offer to help you, then probably question about your well being or a slight remark about the weather. If you don’t greet them, it doesn’t matter… they will still greet you. I actually think it is lovely that they are like that but the problem is that I can’t understand them because although I can understand German, they don’t speak German. They speak an Austrian dialect that sounds so funny to me.

So what happens is, I get stunned or I appear to get stunned. I just sort of stop there and try to process as fast as I can what was said. In most cases, I get nervous and so I just reply to them in English. It’s really difficult for me. You see, I need time to process what was said then I also need time to think of what to reply in German. Imagine the stress! Then there’s the pressure of wanting to reply quickly because you don’t want the other person to wait hours for what you’ll have to say.

If I am lucky, I am able to reply in German and in time but if my nervousness gets ahead of me, I am sure to awkwardly reply in English. If I am luckier, the person will simply smile and start to talk to me in English. If is not my day, I can only expect an awkward silence.

Jaya is one of the three close friends I met during my difficult year of working as an ESL teachers in Jilin province. After three years of working in China, she finally decided to go back home, get married to her long time boyfriend, and start a family in the Philippines. My other two friends are Angel and Janice. Angel plans to relocate in Shanghai this coming school year in the hope that she’ll get better paying teaching job and Janice will stay in Changchun for the meantime but she will probably move to Shanghai too.

I am happy for them because they are managing to somehow put things in perspective but at some point, I feel sad because it seems to me that all the things that are happening to us lead us to be farther from each other. Yes, Janice and Angel plan to move here in Shanghai but that’s long after I left this city. I won’t be here anymore. I wish they decided to move here earlier.

I hate having to stand up in between sleeps (who doesn’t?!?) to pee or because I am hungry or simply because I cannot sleep. So for me “jetlag” equals to “hell”. It is just so bad that I have to go through it like twice in every three months.

I hate the taste and smell of almost all kinds of alcohol. I can take a gulp of beer, a few sips of wine, and I actually like the smell of malt wine and ice wine. I also like liquors because most of them are to fruity and too sweet to taste the alcohol in them. I also do drink cocktails but they must be also heavily flavored otherwise I just wouldn’t drink them.

I warm up to people easily but I lose interest in them just as fast the moment they said or did something that directly or indirectly offences or hurts me. I know how unfair I could be… you don’t have to tell me.

I see shopping as a very stressful activity. I don’t do it just for the heck of doing it. I do shop when I think I need something but it is not like shopping is some sort of therapy that brings me relief. Not all girls are alike when it comes to shopping… I am a living proof.

I used to join beauty pageants. (iwwwww!!!! how rural!) With the height of 164cm, I am considered tall in the country where the average male height is 164cm and female, 155cm. it didn’t matter that I am not that beautiful… my height and some make up were enough. People said that it also helped that I am thin. (Yeah right!) I was too thin and curveless that I had to wear inch think pads to create an illusion of full breasts on my flat chest. Oh, the pain I had endured! Imagine your boobies pulled to each other and taped together to create a cleavage!?! Yeah… I know. I still have nightmares about it. Now that I think of this whole beauty pageant thing, I wish I hadn’t joined any of it just for the very simple reason that it is so not me and those series of beauty pageants didn’t really contribute to anything I am today.

I can write in cursive backwards so that you need a mirror to read it. I don’t use this kind of writing often, only when I am super bored. I started practicing when I was in my teens because I thought it is kind of cool but later realized that it is such a useless skill.

So those are six things about me that only a few people I know know. Now, allow me to pass this tag to these lucky bloggers….

1. Ruthi of Carpenter’s Wife Toolbox because you know you’d be the first one I’d tag and that is simply because “close tau eh.”
2. Angel of Pages after Pages because we’re thirsty for your post. It’s been a looooong time…..
3. Evelyn of Sterndal because you’re such an easy-to-like blogger.
4. Abby of the Journal Logger because I honestly would like to know more about you.
5. Francine of La Place de Cherie because I really appreciate it that you pop every now and then to my blogs.
6. Liza of Moms…Check Nyo.. because I do read your blogs even if you probably never heard of me.

And of course, here are the rules of the meme and I just copied these from Kate’s who copied it from Sal’s (Kate and Sal, hope you don’t mind).

1. LINK TO THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU
2. POST THE RULES ON YOUR BLOG
3. WRITE SIX RANDOM THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
4. TAG SIX PEOPLE AT THE END OF YOUR POST AND LINK TO THEM
5. LET EACH PERSON KNOW THEY ARE TAGGED AND LEAVE A COMMENT ON THEIR BLOG
6. LET THE TAGGER KNOW WHEN YOUR ENTRY IS UP

Goodluck!

After the thing with “the ex-friend”, my interest in people lessened. I didn’t know that I would be affected that much but I noticed myself losing interest in meeting new people, Filipinas particularly. Before this whole thing happened, I was really friendly and open to people especially to those who I think are from my country. I normally smile  and greet them, wave to them from afar, start small talks with them, and listen to them but I don’t do those anymore. That is sad but I can’t help but be wary. I can’t help but fear that I might be meeting somebody like Anne again.

I still keep my old friends (the ones in the picture above) and I am somehow still open to having new friends but it won’t be that easy to be friends with me now. I just don’t have to like a person but that person also should earn my friendship. I still hang out with people, go out with my classmates, spend time with colleagues and friends of my husband, and meet people but it would surely take more for someone to be my friend.

I am glad that we will have Karin for today and for the next two days. It’s good to have a break from Herr Bucher. With Karin, the class is relaxed and pleasant. We even call each other by first names but with Herr Bucher, we play it formal and call each other by our last names so imagine what complaints my Chinese classmates have whenever they have to call me by my long compounded last name. I like learning German but teacher like Herr Bucher makes me hate it.

We were in the class that day and we were talking about fast food. What a topic! So anyway, my German teacher (who is from Northern Germany) asked me what fast food is common in the Philippines. So I said we have restaurants like McDonalds and KFCs but he said that those are from America. I said, if such food from such restaurants are not counted then I really can’t think of any Philippine fast food. Then he asked, what about noodles? I said, “No, instant noodles are from China (Instand Noodles sind aus China).” And I said China as “Kina”. Then he said something that made my blood rush to my head.

A-hole (in a really sarcastic way): “Kina?!?” Only the Austrians say “Kina!”
Me (took it as a direct attack to my husband): Is that so? I am sure that people from south of Germany also say “Kina”.
A-hole (cornered): Yeahhhh…. But the right pronunciation is “China” like the “ch” in “ich”.
Me: Ok, then. Instant Noodles sind aus China (tried to say right).
A-hole (smirking so arrogantly): “Chhhhiiiii-na” (stressing the sound).
Me: “China” (Tried to say the word again but was sounding funny). I am sorry sir, it’s difficult for me. I need more practice.
A-hole (still smirking so arrogantly): If you wanna learn “high German” you should learn how to pronounce the words properly.
Me (really angry now): Well sorry sir but it is not my aim to speak like the Germans do. I just want to be understood. How many brain cells will you need to understand that when I said “Kina” I meant this big country in Asia where the Chinese are from?
A-hole (got angry too): If you continue to speak like that, people will think you have a stupid teacher.
Me: I don’t think so. If I speak like this, people will know that I am not German and that is a beautiful thing (sarcastic). Accent is beautiful, it is part of what you are, and it arouses people’s interest. If you don’t speak like them, they’d be interested to know where you are from.
A-hole (cornered): I don’t care. I am the teacher in this class. I make the rules. You are the students, you follow.

There was a long discussion after that. One classmate came to my rescue but the two others remained quiet. I can’t remember now how it ended but it didn’t end well. So anyway, all throughout the class I had this sour look on my face and he noticed that because he asked if we can talk during the break and so we did.

A-hole: Can we talk outside.
Me: Why not just here?
A-hole: Cause I need to smoke.
Me: Fine. (we went outside). Can we talk in English?
A-hole: Yeah, ok.
Me: so?
A-hole: I noticed that what happened in there made you angry.
Me: Off the records. Yes, that made me angry.
A-hole: Sorry but we had this discussion before. I just realized now that you were not here when it happened the first time. So when it came up again, I got irritated immediately.
Me: I hope that next time…, when something like this comes up, you should also remember that we are all adults in there. You don’t need to treat us like kids. I hope you’d handle matters better.
A-hole: Handle matters better… hmmm? Tell me, how would that be? You are a teacher too right?
Me: Yes and if it would have been me in front, I would have handled it differently.
A-hole: How exactly?
Me: I don’t know…. Just in a less-asshole kind of way I guess.
A-hole (blown away cause of the word asshole): (Let out a deep breath) Ok. I’ll remember that. So I am really sorry again.
Me: Ok, I’ll go inside now because I feel cold out here.

So he asked for forgiveness but I don’t really think that was genuine. He’ll be my teacher again later and I don’t know what will happen. I will act like nothing happened but if he acts like an asshole to me again; he’ll be hearing words he can’t stomach. He can be sure of that.

The party was OHHH—-KAYYYY. Food was great but I would have enjoyed it better if we were sitting down while eating. There were no chairs! There were these high and small rounded tables for people to gather around and drink but that was all. When dinner was served, people have to wait for their turns so they can have a part of the table where they can put their plates down. That was really disappointing for me more so because I was wearing a pair of high-heeled shoes.

I was not very comfortable in the party but I thought it was okay because I am sure that most of the people there were also uncomfortable. Sure, they tried to mingle with each other but they leave the conversation as soon as one comes and butt in. haha. It was all too shallow for me. I am glad that the group (me, my husband, and his colleagues) stayed together the whole evening. There were people coming to the group to have a chit chat but none of them stayed long.

It was actually kind of nice at the beginning because there was a free flow of wine (haha) and people were really nicely dressed. It was not my kind of party….it was actually a little bit phony for my taste but it was altogether kind of fun because I get to observe people in their phony moments (wink).

They grew up in the same place and went to the same schools. They’ve been exclusive since they became sweethearts at age 14. At the age of 16, they became a couple and at 20, they became husband and wife. 30 years later, they still share kisses and they still hold hands.

I find it amazing.

Couples like them make me believe more in “happy ever after“  and now that I am married, I wonder how far my husband and I could go. A year of marriage is nothing compared to 30 years. We are still on the starting line. Life is still all sunshine and meadows for us. We have not exactly encountered a major problem yet and we never had a major fight. Everything is still pleasant. Not that I am waiting for bad things to happen. I am just hoping that when they do, my husband and I will also be able to surpass them.